I'm really beginning to become frustrated with my body.

Right now I think it's a sinus infection, and my throat remains okay for the moment. I need to call the doctor here in Derry and see if I can make an appointment so that I can start on antibiotics (which I need, my mucus is all green ;_;) NOW and not have to wait until I fly home on Sunday. Oh gods please let this work out.

Otherwise, things are swell, though, don't get me wrong! I've been spending quality time with bangles. :) Weeeeee hung out in Portsmouth which was cool. Stood on an old dock and talked about the universe. And we went to the beach the day before that. And I didn't get sunburned! Score. Yesterday we watched movies and stuff.

Aaaand today I guess we'll end up sitting in the doctor's office. ;_; I weep.

I haven't been checking my mail, so don't be offended if I don't reply for a while. When I get home I'll catch up on my correspondence, okay. If I'm not too SICK. GUH.

I don't have time or energy to make a real update, but know that I'm safely back in the US.

I made a bunch of amazing friends, and I had more fun than perhaps I ever have, ever. This was balanced by me now feeling worse than I did during that 7-day fever a while back. @_@

Our plane back from Tel Aviv to JFK (via Budapest) was delayed 2.5 hours on a random tarmac in Maine. There were terrible storms in NYC, which you can google if you care enough to know about. Anyway, my flight to Boston was cancelled entirely, so I'm flying there tomorrow.

Tonight I'm staying with one of my new friends, Emily, who is made of awesomesauce. I dunno what I would have done otherwise. @_@ I think she's the closest person to LaGuardia (we're in her Manhattan apartment) from the trip, and also the one least hectic (not meeting relatives, or staying with relatives, etc.)

In terms of myself... the flight really killed me. I seem to be allergic to atmospheric pressure changes, because both on the way to and from Israel, my sinuses basically self-destructed. Also, due to all the last-minute shit, the plane was changing altitudes really fast, and my ears are fucked up now. It's like there's cotton balls in them, but there aren't. My prediction is that this will at least partially go away overnight. The sinuses may take a few more days to clear up entirely, because that was the case when I got to Israel.

There's so much more that I wanna say, but I haven't slept in more than 24 hours, and I've been on planes pretty much the whole time. I can't believe I'm still functional, in a way.

Bye all; expect a nice detailed update of the people I met (omg Kiril! omg Assaf! etc.), and the sweet things I did.

And Nik, if you read this, my dad emailed you the flight tomorrow. Although I mean, I already told you, but y'know. Just to have it. Sorry for all the insanity. :( Just be glad you didn't have to sit with me on the damn plane cause OMG THAT SUCKED. :D

So tonight's our night off and I'm in a hotel at Tel Aviv and I'm online for a few minutes, so hey! I'm alive. I've done a ton of awesome stuff so far and am slotted to do far more. Tomorrow night, for example, we're staying in a Bedouin tent. And riding camels the morning after that. Fun times!

Love to all, dunno if I'll be able to get online again until I get back from Israel, so don't freak out if I don't answer things.

Now perhaps I'll suck it up and try to walk back to the beach again. XD

<3

Hay guyz, I will be in Israel from July 16 - July 27. I probably won't have time/ability to check my email more than maybe once or twice while I'm there, but I'll have an Israeli phone. So um...I don't know the number yet, though. XD

I'm getting back to the states on July 27, but until August 3 I'll be staying with bangles, so no guarantees on fast replies then either. Although you can leave messages/texts on my normal cell phone and I'll get them. :D

So um. Yeah. Love to you all, I'll miss you guys. :D

As You Like It was aaaaaawesome. There was a montage of popular dances at the wedding celebration at the end which made my brain both hurt and shout out in joy at the same time. And THRILLER. Oh god. XD Wow. That was...yes. Also, Hymen's hat was quite amazing. And all the music was fabulous, of course, being original to Andrew. I never thought I'd hear a version of "Blow, Blow Thou Winter Wind" that I liked as much as when Ben Houghton wrote a melody for our show, but I like the two equally. Andrew's is less depressing. XD

I want to form an Andrew Hamm fan club, because he is made of such awesome. That's one thing I miss so much about working at RS, is seeing the awesome people. :(((( I miss that a lot. I told Grant so, today. :P Sigh. Oh well, maybe in the future I can come back. If I'm not in school anymore or something.

Also awesome was seeing Sawchak and Angie. :)))) Also, Floraaa. :) And Mike, who oddly enough spoke to me. Who'd have thought? XD

Ummm I didn't get back to my house till two because I gave Julia my old computer, and ended up staying and talking to Ann for a while. I <3 Ann. I'm quickly coming to think she is a necessary component of my life and heart. *squiiiiish* (Hehe, she's in my cube, Lindsay. XD)

Heh. For most of the summer I've been feeling all weird and anti-social but now that I'm feeling more social again I'm leaving the country. Oh, irony. XD

Oh man, I need to sleep. Lunch with Angie tomorrow hopefully, then work, and then Hellboy with David and possibly Indigo and/or Josh. Then Tuesday is lunch with Julia and Ann and Haleigh, and then work, and then I think I'll come home and go to bed early. @_@

~*~

Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho! the holly!
This life is most jolly.

You Are Gonzo the Great

"Is something burning in here? Oh, it's just me." You're a total nutball who will do anything for attention. The first to take a dare, you'll pull almost any stunt. You're one weird looking creature, but your chickens don't mind!

Heeeeehee. I watched Muppets from Space with my sister today, and it never fails to amaze me how EXACTLY LIKE GONZO I am. Seriously.

In other news my new computer doesn't like the internet, apparently. It refuses to connect to our network in anywhere but the STRONGEST signal area. I want to hit things.

And sort of just want to hit things in general, really. But it's okay, nothing permanent.

*woe*

I can't believe it, but I think I'm getting sick again. Better now than next week, obviously, but still. (Also, my pattern is at least a month between illnesses mostly, so getting sick now means I'm free and clear for my vacation...XD)

( I'm sure y'all are tired of my whining. )

But hey, I'm conscious, I'm filling in for my mom, so I'm making some money. (Which I won't get till I'm out of the country, but hey who's counting?)

Oh, and on Thursday I'm going to get my hair cut. I've decided to switch things up. I'm leaving the front to grow out, and cutting the back short in a kinda pixie-cut way. (Kind of like the cut plinko had at one point, but with the back all the way short.) And I'm dying everything black. Well, you know, dark. Probably a few shades above black so it blends with my roots when they start to grow. Of course, that's assuming I actually have enough money to dye it, since it'll be probably $50+. (So I'll scan more photos for my dad today in between studying. XD Yay money! I'd have to scan what, 50-60 photos for the money? Bring it ON!)

ANYWHO. xenylamine is awesome. Yay random shoutouts!

Oh, Lindsay, I think I'm supposed to remind you to do that meme I posted a few days (weeks?) ago. :)

PS: I bit the bullet and went sponsored, at least for the next week or so. I wanted to upload another icon. >.>

PPS: Dude, this quiz is QUITE accurate. Waaaay more than I thought it would be. Also, I think it's important to note that my fear of being abandoned has significantly gone down in the past year or so. w00t!

( You Are a Free Agent (Secure) )

EDIT again:

( What Philosophy are You? (Descartes Rationalism!) )

Honestly, I'd say I'm a big mix of most of the above. I do LOVE that I have exactly 50% religion, though. That's so ME. XD Jess, it's all your fault for taking quizzes. XD

EDIT KAJILLION:

Actually I don't feel sick anymore, really. WTF, BODY???? Make up your miiiind! I'm taking the day off anyway, though. I need to buy sneakers (seriously, I haven't had any in like a year), and new glasses (which have been held together with duct tape for more months than I care to remember).

Also, I realize that The Dark Knight comes out when I'm in Israel. :O I shall have to con Nik into taking me to see it when I get back. >D

Oh my gosh, I had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN that David Tennant is Barty Crouch, Jr. in the fourth Harry Potter movie. DUDE. That is SO MUCH AWESOME. I can't believe I forgot that. It made watching the movie quite enjoyable, far more than watching HP movies usually is. Not that I hate HP movies or anything, I just don't, y'know, die of disappointment if I don't see them for a long time.

Although speaking of that, I need to rewatch the LotR movies. It's been too long. *squint*

But, I should study for my final and such. And then when I do that on Wednesday, I should pack for my abroad-ness. And if I finish that, I should start packing my stuff to MOVE OUT. Mwahahaha.

Anyway, artist rec!!

Siona Benjamin

She is definitely on my list of top five favorite artists, no question. Her art is very, very close to my current spiritual outlook, this vibrant, beautiful, complex melding of Indian and Jewish symbols and meanings. Oooooh so much awesome.

And seeing that has totally inspired me. Now I want to DO that stuff. Not necessarily become a painter, but I want to EXPRESS that part of me which is Indian-Jewish-mystical-Buddhist-whatever. I want to write songs and draw pictures that express my perspective.

Also, I want to make a Kabbalistic Hindu tarot deck. Because that would be SO COOL.

I have so many ideas in my head, so many songs and stories and pictures. Maybe one day I'll be able to externalize them, to make use of them, to express them. I plan to start now.

KUNG FU FIGHTIIIIIIIIING...

But I digress. Yes, I saw Kung Fu Panda today.

AND IT WAS SO MUCH AWESOME. Oh my gosh. Wow. It was FAR better than I had even hoped for!!!! The beginning sequence was EPIC. I. Love. Jack. Black. I mean, sometimes I don't. But today I do!!

And...there really isn't much else to babble about except everyone who shares my taste and/or my sense of humor and/or my love of kung fu needs to go see this movie! Srsly! Oh, and the trailer for Madagascar 2 looks slightly lame but still AWESOME. Penguins rule!

Also, on Thurs night Josh stayed over and we saw Hancock. Aaaaaaand I really really liked it! I don't care what anyone says! XD

I really didn't like Ray's wife for pretty much the whole movie, so that was a bit weird, but otherwise...yaaaaay. I really relate to Ray. A LOT. Like...a lot. XD And I loved the ending! I'm not sure if I'm the only person, but...I really did! I was like, "Wait, this is somehow NOT the cookie-cutter Hollywood ending I expected! WOOT!!" In a weird way, this movie kind of helped shove off my cynicism for a few minutes.

I really have gotten unexpectedly bitter in some ways, lately. I know it's sort of an overbalance thing, and it'll wear off when I find my balance again. But it's an interesting state of affairs to say the least. I seem to have a high affinity for experiencing opposites when it comes to emotions and perspectives and such. For part of my life I'm so optimistic that I'm sure people wanted to shoot me, and for other parts I can't watch someone kiss another person onscreen without rolling my eyes. *cough that dinner scene in Hancock* Even Josh said it was cute. There MUST be something wrong with me. XDXD

But I digress. <3

ISRAEL COUNTDOWN: 10 days
NIK COUNTDOWN: 21 days

I am hungry now after almost an hour of totally unplanned internet distraction. I was going to grab my computer, write this entry, and go watch more Stargate (I taped a looooot heehee), but nooooo the internet has to be all full of sites and forums and such. Bah.

ANYWAY. ( Spoilers for Doctor Who episode '4.9 Forest of the Dead.' )

I think I must have issues with — no that's inaccurate, I KNOW that I have issues with knowledge, knowing things: as a source of power, as a form of control, as a way to be "sure" of one's own happiness. I hate it when I'm left in the dark about things, and I would really rather someone tell me exactly what they're thinking and not lie, even if it will ultimately hurt my feelings. For example, there have been people in various times in my life who have, I guess, stopped liking me or wanting to be close to me. I can't really say it would have worked back then, but as I am NOW, I would far far prefer someone coming up to me and just TELLING ME THAT rather than playing passive-aggressive games. So do take note, if any of you guys don't want to associate with me anymore at any time in the distant future, just tell me. We can shift immediately to polite public interaction and otherwise not have to worry about it! :)

Also omg mood swings starting...NOW. Wow. My dad teased me, pretended he had bought me dinner and I thought he really had and was all happy and it was actually a bag of fresh vegetables. Which is nice, but not dinner. And now I'm all like...crying. I REALLY HATE PMS.

RIDICULOUS QUOTES! :)

So I love to quote Dan Quayle. He's even more ridiculous than George Bush, Jr. And that, my friends, is saying something.

So here's a few of my favorites, taken from here! :D (When he says "Bush" he's obviously referring to Bush Sr., as Quayle was VP to Bush's President. Yo.)

For NASA, space is still a high priority.

I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.

I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.

I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.

I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman.

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Japan is an important ally of ours. Japan and the United States of the Western industrialized capacity, 60 percent of the GNP, two countries. That's a statement in and of itself.

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right.

Republicans have been accused of abandoning the poor. It's the other way around. They never vote for us.

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.

Votes are like trees, if you are trying to build a forest. If you have more trees than you have forests, then at that point the pollsters will probably say you will win.

We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not happen.

( Cut for the meme, stolen from Plinko. )

Man, none of my major fears are on there. I emphasized the "having great responsibilities" one because, while I'm not really terrified of it, it's definitely something I'm somewhat afraid about, and definitely don't like very much. That's why I like having jobs where I'm an assistant, or secretary. I have responsibility, but it's always second to whoever is in charge, which alleviates my fear.

Man, who's afraid of dinosaurs in general? I don't get that. Velociraptors, yes, dinosaurs, no. Also, I find fault with whoever initially worded this meme (gods only know who that is), as it is certainly possible not to be afraid of any of the things on that list. I think there was a point in my life when I wasn't.

I think I'm going to go read more of The Elfstones of Shannara. It's the book after the initial The Sword of Shannara. Now THAT book was....>.> Oh god. Not so terrible that I couldn't read it but definitely a blatant LotR ripoff and the writing was mediocre at best. The sequel seems much more interesting, actually, and Josh tells me they get better after the first, so why not. (Also, he gave me his copies, so hey free books!) Also, they're hella long, so I won't run out of things to do.

Also. omgomgomg. My mom got me the best book EVER EVER EVER OMG.

Zen Shorts by Jon J Muth

It's this ADORABLE children's book wherein three siblings meet their new neighbor, a panda named Stillwater.
"I'm sorry for arriving unannounced," said the bear. "The wind carried my umbrella all the way from my backyard to your backyard. I thought I would retrieve it before it became a nuisance." He spoke with a slight panda accent.
Eeeeeee so adorable! Basically, each kid ends up going over to visit Stillwater, and he tells them a zen story related to whatever issue or problem they have at that moment. SO CUTE. And the art is simply darling. I love this book. <333

PS: The guy who did it did the illustrations to Gershon's Monster: A Story for the Jewish New Year, by Eric Kimmel (which is another children's book I adore), and also to the Sandman series by Neil Gaiman!!! Awesome. Cue a link to his art page! <333

I'm alive!

Josh and I went back to the apartment to talk to the current resident (also an artist named Josh, to our collective amusement). We've all agreed we wish he were our new neighbor instead of moving away. We ended up chatting for hours, and I ended up driving home through the gifrantic thunderstorm. :D I love those things.

Um...yes. First month's rent, due this week at some point. :((( Sadly, I'm not getting paid for my job training (which I'm just starting this week) until July 7, because they use a biweekly system, instead of the bimonthly system I've come to know and depends on love. Sigh. Worst comes to worst, I'll just borrow the last hundred from my parents and give it back when I get paid.

In other news, took another yoga class tonight, and I am getting more and more psyched about this stuff. Specifically, this is Hatha yoga which focuses on breathing, I am led to believe. I need to research the specific variants of yoga. In all my free time. XD But seriously. I had a different teacher, and it's all so fascinating. I could still tell when I was doing things wrong (often), but I think I got a little better, at least at simple stuff like the Table pose and such. I could see the differences in approach between the teachers, and I find both of them nifty-keen. You'd think that I'd only want one teacher for a while when starting a new thing...but I'm beginning to think that experiencing several perspectives right at the beginning can actually be beneficial; you're more likely to find the variant that works for you. I'm being general, but whatevs. Mostly I'm thinking in terms of what's spoken, how things are explained, how much is explained at all, and so forth. Endlessly fascinating.

Oh, and James bought me Fig Newtons today cause I drove him to the River with some friends. <3 They were handy when I got hungry at the dinner hour.

Hanging out in that apartment last night really made everything seem REAL to me. Before, when this was all just beginning, I felt kind of blinded; I couldn't See myself in that future, I couldn't get a feel for it. But I'm slowly beginning to See myself in this future I'm building, and it makes me so happy. I've gotten so close to Josh that I don't think I'm even afraid anymore. Which is sort of a big deal because one of the hallmarks of being me, it seems, is my fear of being irrationally abandoned by someone as soon as I become close to them. Of course, the fear itself is ridiculous. And maybe I'm getting over the fear in all its permutations. I'd like to think so, actually.

Oh, that reminds me. I want to make a list of things to which I'm attached a bit too much. So here's a basic one, and if any of you actually read this and can think of something you think I've missed, or you want to share what things you think you're too attached to, by all means. ( Running list. )

And in the spirit of being attached to my HEALTH, I need to call it a night. I'm sure tomorrow I'll think of plenty of things I forgot. >.>

Before I forget, link! Streaking to victory in topless match ~ Reuters. XD This cracks me up.

Now! plinko linked me to an article entitled "Empathy deficit disorder -- do you suffer from it?". Which immediately makes me think, "PARSELTONGUE. DO YOU SPEAK IT?" XD Oh, Snakes On A Plane + Harry Potter. <3

But seriously, wtf at the article. I mean, I think that the article itself is very interesting, but the conclusion (in the form of EDD or whatever) is totally off-base.

Actually, this article can be summarized in the stereotypical male-female interaction: the girl whines and the boy tries to give helpful advice leaving the girl feel like he doesn't empathize SLASH the boy whines and the girl empathizes leaving the boy feeling like she's being totally unhelpful.

To me, that's what the article is talking about in a nutshell, but they're putting it on a more grand scale, NOT TO MENTION totally judging the people who would rather deal with things in a way other than "Well, how does that make you feel?"

Personally, I think no one has the right to tell other people how they should process things and how they should feel about things. Sure, in that woman's case, she was being super-"practical" in order to shove away the terrifying sensation of actually having to connect with others on a deeper level. But you know, so what? It's great that she feels happier now that she feels connections with people, but that's HER choice. I don't see why it makes any sense to assume that her situation should apply to everyone else.

And I especially don't see how anyone ANYWHERE for ANY REASON can POSSIBLY rationalize the use of the term EDD. What. The. Hell. We have a term for people who chronically and "dangerously" lack empathy: they're called Cleckley psychopaths. That woman was not a psychopath, she didn't have any freaking "disorder." She was just not-very-sensitive. Is being insensitive a disorder now? PLEASE.

Speaking as someone who is actually VERY empathetic, I find that...kind of wrong. I don't expect other people to function on my level of sensitivity, any more than I expect others to expect ME to function on THEIR level of sensitivity. The difference is that I try to stay AWARE of the varying expectations and, generally, to be sensitive about them. But you know, that's my CHOICE. I find it hilarious than anyone would suggest that it is anything but a choice. And honestly, I find it kind of insulting, not to me, but to the vast majority of people everywhere. Because I know that I'm far more, oh, what's the P.C. word here, "sensitive" again? Sure. I'm far more "sensitive" about this stuff than the majority of people as far as I can tell, and I don't think other people are bad or wrong for being less "sensitive" than myself. Just different.

Since when was it okay to take all the psychological differences in the world and label them as good or bad? Smoking and drinking too much alcohol are definitely unhealthy, but people have the right to do that if they so choose. It's very fashionable, lately, to take the psychological equivalents of smoking or drinking heavily and give them fancy politically correct names. Instead of smoking, it's "risking-lung-cancer-for-the-nicotine-fix disorder." You know, I as a person have every right to control my interactions with someone who is smoking a cigarette, or someone who is drunk. I cannot think of a single example of a situation in which I would be forced to interact with such a person. (The fact that almost all buildings are non-smoking plays into that, though I'm speaking more of a regular-basis sort of thing, not passing someone in the street.) It's my choice. Dealing with someone who isn't the height of empathic-therapist-superhero-amazingness is the same thing. There's no law saying we have to have a social life. We don't have to have pointless arguments with a significant other, or tiffs with a so-called best friend. We don't even have to date, or have friends. Now MOST people want to be social, and being social calls for some basic social instincts, and those instincts if finely tuned usually cause the person to be sensitive to the needs of the people around them. I consider that more of a "plus" than I consider being insensitive a "minus."

Now it's true, I don't generally get close to people who are insensitive jerks. Because I find it irritating and tiring to have a one-sided sensitivity thing going on. But sometimes I really LIKE people like that because it's refreshingly all about them instead of miles and miles of subtext and unconscious/repressed selfishness expressed as selflessness and all that stuff. That is, the sort of people who are insensitive in a brash, on-the-surface way, can be fun once in a while. Aries, I'm looking at you guys. XD Hell, I'm like that all the time in some ways, despite my large sensitivity-potential. XD

I <3 my new default icon. It is, as they say, the bomb. I'm not completely sure WHY I love it so much...possibly because it is a hilariously ironic interpretation of how I used to act. I used to be one of those unflaggingly and irritatingly positive souls, who never let themselves see the bad sides of things. (Well, maybe not THAT bad, but still.) Of course, now I rather enjoy sarcastically pointing out the bad sides of things...as often as possible and usually inappropriately. Of course, I do the same with the good sides. I just like being ironic. :D And I mean, it's not like I make people uncomfortable. I just save it up for stories to tell later to someone who will also think it's funny...XD

Man, I'm looking at my Spiritual Nook™ today and I don't like the crowdedness anymore. I want it simplified, I want to channel my energies in a focused way.

This is a huge step in the right direction. ...although damnit, now I'm going to want to fiddle with that instead of scanning things for money. Hm. I have nowhere to put my extra stuff, though! ;____; Maybe I can clear off my desk or something. (HAH. HAHAHA. I LAUGH AT MY FOLLY.)

Also, OMG FOUR WEEKS EXACTLY TILL ISRAEL AND NIIIIIIK!!!!! I cannot express my glee through mere capslock. :D


I'm Sayrah and
I'm a Hammerhead Shark.


( More on the Hammerhead. )

Meme stolen from psycophant with lurv:

Name a character/pairing from one of my fandoms and I'll give you either (a) three facts about them from my personal canon/fanon, (b) a reason he/she sucks, (c) a reason she/he is awesomecakes, (d) five things that never happened to that character or (e) five people that character never fell in love with and why. You pick the character. I pick the letter.

You can pick as many as you like! Give me something to do. XD (Not that I don't have anything to do...XD)

( My fandoms, cut for those uninterested in this memeage. )

And if you think I left something out, ask it anyway. XD

Anyway. (Like, two people are going to actually want to do that, but hey! Fun times. <3)

Um, omg BSG. I got around to watching it the other day and omg. I don't feel like rambling ad nauseum but....eeee! PERFECT. And the end of the episode was BRILLIANT. I could see the metaphorical shoes just falling from the sky. Perfect.

So tomorrow morning I have to get up at 6:30 to take my sister up to the rest of her orientation thing. She was supposed to stay overnight, but she forgot to bring sheets (because she neglected to read the pamphlet telling her to do so), and she really didn't want to stay. So, I'm bringing her back up...for $20 and she's making me breakfast. Srsly. I have to come straight back home afterward to help my mom with something so that's like...almost an hour and a half of travel just in the morning. ;_; Luckily I'm also going to give Josh a ride to work. At least I'm using my time wisely. (And he and his dad both gave me gas money today...;_; I have the best friends EVER EVER EVER.)

Okay, time to go troll stargate_icons before I go to bed. I am soooo addicted. :D

I'm alive. I'm thirsty all the time, though. :P

So yesterday I broke a longstanding unofficial personal rule and shopped at an actual Hot Topic location. The only reason I went in was because Josh and James wanted to. But, I'm glad I did because I ended up buying a sort of faux corset. I say faux because the fabric is...stretchy. Which means, as I have since discovered, that the two strips of boning in the front, and the bazillion hook-n-eyes in the back, all sort of warp when it's worn tightly. :-/ But, it's like...black stretchy type thing. Sadly, the trimming is pink, hot pink. As opposed to, oh, ANY other color. (I rather dislike pink, mostly.) But the corset itself was nifty enough that I decided I wanted it anyway. I've also removed the like...six hot pink ribbons which were accents. Much better without them. (I don't like having bows on my clothes either...especially if they're hot pink. @_@) I tried it on in the store of course. (Never buy something for more than $10 if you can't try it on.) The reason I even did that is because I noticed that they were sized like bras, and that one of the three or so they had out was MY SIZE. I was like, "Wait...what? A corset IN MY SIZE? Say it isn't so!" And it was only $22. So, I tried it on. And it's damn hard to get on something with a frillion hook-n-eyes in the back, let me just say. Maybe that's why they made it stretchy, for the solo artists like me who need to wriggle it on the creative way. XD Anyway, It's fairly nifty. If I wear it out anywhere, I'll post pictures. I don't feel like I can possibly rationalize photoing myself in it otherwise, as it would be too close to an underwear shot. I think it is technically supposed to be an underwear sort of thing (it came with a thong...), but pfffft. Whatevs.

They had a few other interesting corsets there, better ones actually, with REAL fabric. But, they were all $40+, so I didn't really consider them. Also, they were all too SMALL. Anyway, I plan to fiddle with the one I've bought, maybe add more boning or something. Maybe change the accent color, if I can. I wonder if a black or red sharpie would work? XD

In OTHER news, omgomg so. AwesomeStart.com is this sweet, sweet site where you can use one of their frillion themed customizable start pages, and even add customizable links. Very much awesome. And of course, they make new themes based on requests. But, they also allow submissions! So I sucked it up today and made a submission for a Crüxshadows theme. <3 They're a band. Very cool. Although, they take themselves a bit too seriously, I think. I was looking at some of their photos in their website's gallery...and they're all SO SRZBSNZ. It's kind of bizarre. But then, hey, it's a goth/industrial band. <3

Next I think I'll do one for Voltaire...even though he isn't on the request list. I have no idea WHY, as they have JRock bands I didn't think were THAT popular here in the States like GLAY and X-Japan and even other goth bands like Horrorpops. And, well, the Crüxshadows. XD They're all more popular abroad, I think. Any request list which has Combichrist and KMFDM and Phish and whatnot should have Voltaire on it...XD But anyway! Whatevs.

Oh, I forgot! I also bought a scarf! I stopped in at Lavender and Lace on Friday, which is this awesome dress shop in Petersburg, right by the theatre. It's GIGANTIC. @_@ I had no idea how big it was from the outside. Seriously, there must have been...four or five large rooms filled with dresses? One room was bridal stuff. Anyway, at the front was a rack of standalone scarves (dis-scarf-ded, perhaps? ooooof) and one was this absolutely lovely purple with SHINY green. Shiny shiny shiny. So I got it, since it was only $21 with tax. <3 So much pretty.

Iiii should probably go to sleep now. Sleeping in tomorrow! :DDD I watched various shows taped from Friday...all the way through Dr Who, which was cuuuuuuute. Somehow, the Poirot style murder mystery NEVER gets old. How does that work? XD

Anyway, I watched this thing Scifi started running last week called Charlie Jade (I think). And it was VERY different than how I thought it would be. The trailers made it seems quite lame, but the show is rather fascinating. The cinematography was very interesting; it reminded me a lot of Neverwhere, actually. Well, the opening bit of Neverwhere anyway. It's a very heady sort of confused style, which fits perfectly with the plot and everything. All in all, I rather liked it. I want to know more, figure out what's going on. See more of the costumes and pretty people (and ugly people too). XD Basic premise, as far as I can tell, is that there are three connected versions of earth as we know it, and there was this giganormous company doing various secret experiments which exists on all three and is connected somehow, can travel between them. So the people involved very high up know about the three worlds, the initial called Alpha, another called Beta, and the one most like our present world is Gamma, I think. Or maybe it's Beta, I forget. Anyway, coolness. Although now I have another show to watch. D: Why are they all on the SAME night?? I'll watch Battlestar Galactica tomorrow. It looks insaaaaaane omgomgomg I love that show. :D

I also am in love with Azam Ali's voice, omg. I snagged from Josh a while back the Where's Neil When You Need Him? awesome amazing fan-CD for Neil Gaiman with songs by bands like The Crüxshadows and Rasputina and ThouShaltNot and Voltaire and such. And I think "The Cold Black Key" by Azam Ali may be the most beautiful song on there. @_@

This is all a_leprechaun's fault, so blame her if you get addicted and not me. XD

Although, if you find yourself deliberately stacking your results, blame me. XD

		I will marry myself from another dimension.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Bollywood in our fabulous Apartment.
		We will have 3 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a orange horse-drawn carriage.
		I will spend my days as a belly dancer, and live happily ever after.

Heeeeeeheehee. I always knew I'd end up with myself from another dimension. Who else could handle me? Noone! XD

Retired U.S. Justice O'Connor unveils video game

I find that completely fascinating. I haven't seen whatever it is she's come up with, but I always kinda liked O'Connor. Although honestly, we're sort of TAUGHT to like her; she's a symbol in many ways. I can't imagine having that sort of yoke around my neck, knowing that millions of schoolchildren will be taught my name. And as it says in the article, taught her name and practically nothing else about what the judicial system is supposed to be about.

In some ways, I think the idea of a judicial system is one of the most idealistic aspects of our society, because to be functional it means the judges all must be capable of neutrality, of making decisions in accordance with both the written laws and their own common sense, of setting aside their egos every time they walk through the door. Honestly? I don't think I've ever met ANYONE capable of doing all that, or at least very few people. The ideal judicial system seems to depend a lot on the individual awesomeness of each judge within the system. I'm sure there are as many successes as failures as far as actual practice goes. It's just interesting to think about.

And again, that's all from what I know, which admittedly isn't a huge amount. I'm not an expert or anything.

Lalalala at some point I want to make a list of things I need to do and keep track of and whatnot.

I really really really want Rob Thomas's album Something To Be. I have two songs off it, "Something to Be" and "All That I Am" and I think I might be getting addicted. (Yes, I got those songs from you, Nik. XD) Do any of you have that album? Is the rest of it as awesome as those songs?

~*~

{Something To Be} It's the same old song Everybody says you've been away too long Everybody wanna tell you what went wrong Wanna make you like an icon Till you believe that they're right I've been looking for something Something I've never seen We're all looking for something Something to be

{All That I Am} I am the sound of love's arriving Echoed softly on the sand Lay your head upon my shoulder Lay your hand within my hand I give you all that I am And I breathe where you breathe Let me here stand where you stand With all that I am

EDIT: Three quizzes, because I can.

( I am rain, my Dosha is Pitta, and I am like Acid. )

Lindsay asked me these questions as part of a meme:

1) How come you don't have/want any pets and such?
2) Which immediate family member are you closest to?
3) What animal do you think you were in a past life? (if you were one; you may be one of those human-only people)
4) Favorite anime of all time?
5) Favorite genre of movie and why?

( My answers. )

Dude, I went SWIMMING today. Julia knows someone with a membership at this amazing pool...it's a saline pool, so no chlorine. I WAS IN HEAVEN. I hate hate HATE chlorinated pools. HATE. A LOT. So this was like...wow. I haven't even been to a pool or anything for like...a year or more. It was lucky I still had my bikini in my bag, hah. XD

And despite that I thought I had gotten a little burned, it would seem that I am unscathed! HAH!

Although in less awesome news, I believe my throat is resurging, despite that I'm still taking the initial prescription of meds. Eek. We shall see how things are tomorrow. >.>

Also, through several helpful conversations today, I think I'm getting a good idea of what I have to do (and not do...) in order to improve my life and myself and whatnot.

I am SO EXHAUSTED because of my sun-ness (OMG SUN IS HOT) and possibly because of my throat-ness. I should go eat fruit or something. Mmmm fruit. <3 I might just sleep for an hour until I have to take my next dose, though. We shall see.

Also, Don! I will probably be online tomorrow morning after like...9 my time? Something like that.

PS: As far as my self-improvement, I have come to see that I need to begin again in a way, to set down my preconceptions, the "I should be"s and "I could be"s and "I used to want to be"s and all the other ways we have of neatly sealing ourselves into philosophical and spiritual corners until we feel unable to escape ourselves. I need to start from scratch. Find the I AM and the I NEED and even the I WANT inside me. And without any judgment, at least at first. I need to reevaluate all my dreams and wishes, sift them out of my mental storage and shine them up and see if I still really want them. I need to set aside expectation and simply rediscover self.

It sounds so nice and simple when I say it that way, doesn't it? It's probably the hardest thing I've ever decided to do. Part of me is a bit apprehensive...I have no idea what I might find lurking in my subconscious. But, there's another part of me that's sort of perked up. Excited that I'm finally coming to my senses and going back to what was at one point rather a favored way to spend my time. I mean, I never stopped contemplating...but my focus has shifted in many ways. And while I was out of focus, the picture has altered. And so I have to find a new focus to display the new picture with absolute clarity.

It helps to know I have a support network, interestingly. I used to think I could only work alone, but now...I think I need people whether I like it or not, so it makes sense to accept that and let go of the negatives and just flow with it. Accept that there are people I can trust with this, with myself. In some ways that alone is hard enough. We'll see how everything else goes.

As far as a beginning...it's funny. I was telling Josh what Ann told me (in my most in-depth conversation today, or for the past while really), and I said, "But I simply can't crash, that's not an option." And he said that I shouldn't say it like that, I shouldn't give myself ultimatums in such a way. And I dithered and quickly came to suspect that was somehow indicative of a necessary attitude readjustment across the board for me. And I believe that's true. I'm already improving a little, because I wrote this post in a certain way...and it would have been different, more negative, if I hadn't been more conscious. Fascinating.