These are the folks I was hanging out with last week. I love them dearly and I really wish I could go. ;_; I would be tempted to sell something and get the money to go but I have to be home to lead services that weekend anyway because my dad will be in Israel.
Also, if any of you Pittsburgh/area people know anyone who's looking to sell a van that drives for cheap...my friends who are doing that event are looking for one! If any of you had the time to seek out information about a working cheap van and transmit the info to me, I would be verrrrrry grateful. Just throwing that out there!
I am in the most bizarre mood. I can't put my finger on it exactly. Hovering between the past and future, between the cycles of the moon, between the cycles of my body, in heart and in mind a sort of disconnected connectedness.
Listening to lots of Simon & Garfunkel helped somewhat. Also I miss
Tomorrow I am hopefully going to hang out with a few soldiers from the local base who have been coming to services at my dad's shul the past few times I've been there. (Both times, ironically, have been Bar Mitzvahs, and we NEVER have those anymore! Lucky them. :P) They are both adorable fathers and showed my sister and I pictures of their kids. One of them was just diagnosed with something icky and will be hanging around longer than he or the army planned...I told him to tell me which hospital he'll be in so we can visit him.
Today I watched two movies with my sister, The Painted Veil, and Chaos Theory. They were both good, and they were both (serendipitously) about relationship snafus. I enjoyed them both, but oddly enough I like The Painted Veil better overall. Well, not THAT oddly considering the cinematography, location, and actors. But still. The Painted Veil is about two people who wear thick masks and try to pretend that it will all work out, and when it blows up in their faces they—or well, one of them punishes the other for it. Really, it goes from one person taking on punishment (rather unintelligently, in my opinion) to friction! to that person then over-expressing their pent-up frustration. (Semi-related: I want to see the 1934 version, because the plots seem rather different, even with the same characters. I also want to read the book.) There is just something about love blossoming out of destitution and adversity that I really...am drawn to, in a way. As opposed to Chaos Theory, which is more a quirky, love-conquers-all flick with a lot of improbable situations which only take so long to resolve because the characters keep massively overreacting to everything. I thought The Painted Veil was more subtle and realistic in its approach to human emotions and frailties. They are Real People (as one of the characters remarks later on) with real desires and interests and weaknesses. And as soon as they allow themselves to be who they truly are, they begin to find things to admire in each other. Really admire in a heartfelt way, rather than pettily admire in a shallow way.
It makes me think about the people who lead largely surface-interested lives. I've seen people say that being shallow is worthless or in some way those lives have less value than those involved in more "deep" endeavors. But really...isn't it all subjective? I think the point of The Painted Veil is, in a way, to demonstrate that when people choose not to communicate from a place of honesty regarding their particular interests, or when they deliberately disregard other people's interests, that conflict emerges. I tend to call those interests Priorities with a capital p. And my brain, for some time now, has been turning over and over this philosophy that the differences between people can in some ways be summarized into Priorities. Recognizing those Priorities for what they are can lead to much more efficient communication. But, I suppose, only if one is willing to let down the drawbridge over the moat and be willing to communicate across unfamiliar territory without taking things personally and without unnecessary assumption. Also, this whole philosophy and line of thought implies and assumes an interest in accurate communication. Perhaps some people are less interested in accurate communication and more interested in getting what they want, or deliberately shrouding their communication in mystery. I do not understand the desire to not want other people to understand where I'm coming from and what I have to say. I mean, intellectually I'm capable of comprehending it, but you could say that since my Priority is communicating with people, loving and having compassion for people...that I am something like the polar opposite of shrouded communication.
In some ways, my most important Priority is to make people feel loved. I told kung-fu-Ben this (in more maudlin detail) and he said something like, "So basically you want to be the Earth." And there is some truth to that. I always thought of it as a more ethereal sort of love-energy, but in some ways I think we all take that level of ethereal comfort from the ground beneath our feet. And part of my personal identity is this corner of my mind which is always, always connected to that place of constant-love. And constantly wanting others to feel loved. I first put words to this when I saw the episode of Cowboy Bebop with Gren many years ago. And sobbed so hard because I never want anyone to die alone. It isn't just a fleeting sort of want like sympathy or even empathy. It borders on personal identity.
But I should get sleep. I slept 14 hours Friday night, dropped off at 8pm and never looked back. Clearly I'm working hard. :P
~*~
When love and duty are one, grace is within you.
calm
thirsty
high
dorky
optimistic
giggly
hyper
crazy
tired
sleepy
devastated
blah
amused
bouncy
premature accomplishment